Universal Love

Today.. I woke up late.. almost 12pm..
There was no ticking of clock..
The first blurry image was the spinning ceiling fan directly on top of my bed.
The mechanical sounds coming from the air conditioner.. like a robotic glasshouse I’m living in..
No familiar voices with that angry or impatient tone pulling me out of bed..
No fear of whether I’m pissing anybody off letting them wait..
Another different scent of calmness perhaps from the bed I slept.
I must have nested my scent in the bed over night to have slept so soundly.. Mmm..
I can almost sleep anywhere as long as there’s no particular scent that activates my nerves to be on guard.
That’s what I had been searching for..
A scent of belonging..
But the scent does not come from one place..
It comes from a couple of places..
And that gave me options and further criteria to find what other senses trigger me to cling on and ultimately feel in place..
Visionary desires and urge balanced with occasional needs of visionary calmness?
Auditory serenity balanced with quality exchange of opinions and expressions of need for communication..
The feeling of connection, electromagnetic fields of different unnamed senses and occasional sensory touch..
Perhaps a touch of love..
But you know what?
It does not matter about all the above out-of-nowhere senses..
I feel just as human as anybody that I’m missing something around me..
Something I felt strongly for when I was 7..
Something I felt more strongly for at 18..
Something I felt even more strongly for at 21..
Something I felt strongly for at 24..
I am in need of love..
I am already loving..
I am already loved..
But I was not ready to commit to one love..
That I have not understood the complexity of love..
That I have not understood the simplicity of love..
That I have not understood the power of love..
That I have not exhibited the strength of love..
The loves that I got were unconditional in their very own ways..
From the friends, from the children, from parents, from close buddies, from even strangers who believed or trusted something unknown in me..
I don’t even know what am I doing sometimes..
Especially when I decided to put my heart aside when I start working..
When I decided to build a guard post around my feelings when I engage new things and strange different people..
But the magical thing is..
No matter how hard I tried to build a strict guarding fence around my heart and feelings..
I was never able to let loose the guarding security..
My securities will never say no and let you stay out of my zone..
I’m not a robot..
I’m a human..
And I’m missing the people and things I once feel attached to so strongly..
No matter how consciously I deny my feelings for you..
You know there is something there wishing that we never said good bye..
You know there is something sobbing deep down inside in a little corner of its own..
I am missing the connections with people..
It’s not just you, you or you..
My gift is that I feel people around me..
For good or for bad, I will not be satisfied and truly happy if I know I’m not doing anything within my ability to make as many people I feel to feel happy and satisfied..
It’s not my calling..
It is my dream and my very own dream..
My calling is to be a Dream Realizer.
To be a parent, teacher, consultant, philosopher and a star.