My 100th Blog Post..

sometimes i just hope i wasn't born alone..

i hope i was born with a twin..

be it a twin brother or a sister..

so long as he or she is that special someone that understands me from the most fundamental level..

that i am just this lonely person on this mother earth no matter how outgoing and friendly i am with people..

nobody will ever imagine me being lonely..

but the fact is.. i am extremely lonely at times..

eversince i know that someone who so happen to be there for me everytime i needed someone..

and then watching that someone leave my life..

and i can't even hold it back to myself..

then i thought somebody else came voluntarily into my life..

only to know that it's not real..

that i can't keep it..

so here i am.

deciding to walk the lonely streets on my own.

and never ask a friend or anyone to accompany me to anywhere i really wana go..

the night before yesterday i went alone into the streets of penang from 11.45pm. it was a little creepy at certain turns in the streets. but i told myself for the sake of thrill and doing something crazy in life. perhaps i will bang into someone like me.. who will find a soulmate in me..

so i walked.. and walked.. and walked.. and it started drizzling..

i actually found an animal that i wish i am coz it was alone.. i think it's a sea beaver.. i don't know actually the name of the animal. but i like it. it's alone. seemed to be searching for something on the shores and then swimming back into the dark sea.

i met two security officers who advised me to be extra careful walking in the dark streets of penang at that hour. very kind of them they even offered me shelter in case i can't find a place to pass the night. which if they were aware i wasn't finding. or was i? no. not that i was aware of. i just walked, looked, and enjoyed my own company..

i even brushed my teeth in a public washroom. twice. and i was having fun when they strangers looked on. haha! they smiled back after the absurd look in the eye. haha. and it was the second time in a week that a stranger offered to drive me home..

was i lucky or was i unlucky? i didn't meet someone like me..

i'm still lonely when i needed someone badly..

and i will insist to never ask a friend to accompany me anywhere i want to go..

today is 26th of july. 82 days after my 22nd birthday. which is also 82 days after i first set up this very blog of mine. yea losing its original purpose of proposing creative business ideas. why? not because i lost my inspirations. but i still can't find what i really want for my life. that businesses actually mean nothing to me compared to finding my soulmate. i am a person who is willing to die for my soulmate if i ever find the right one.

hey shadow.. you'll never back out on me right? so won't i. i promise. until the day i died.

to be honest i didn't wish for anything at my 22nd birthday. i wished i can find my imperfect other half who will need me so badly on my 21st birthday. but it doesn't help at all. so i didn't wish anymore. no point. and i passed my 22nd birthday the simplest ever in my 22 years alive. with my laptop. and a range of online friends. someday i will travel across the wide oceans with just a bag of clothes and keep walking and walking hoping to bang into the right person in my life..

my visions my ideals..

no ideals no life.