apologies?? yea whatever.

for god sake! do i have to feel guilty every time i come back home?? do i have to answer to all your doubts and follow every single instructions you give me??

come on be practical! i don't have to follow your advices in order to be your "good son"!

sometimes i just wonder why am i even your son.

i'm completely different from you. and don't expect me to be who you are. i am not!

i want excitement! i want changes! i go against rules that i find ridiculous! i don't freaking follow instructions that makes no sense to me! understand??

but why do i emphatize?? the last thing i need when i have to stand firm on my own decisions! why have i got to think for you?? for sure every single choice i made you have got things to fight against! cause i'm not you and you are freaking egoistic! so shut up please at times! just for once give me some peace! i don't wana go against your will! i just wana do what i want! i don't have to think the way you think!

i don't need your benefit of advices!! i want the benefit of 1st time experience!! i don't care if i fall! what do family means to me??

family is supposed to be the one familiar and comfortable venue i voluntarily walk to down till the end of the road whenever i feel in need of support.. but sadly i never feel that way. to be honest i never. i will walk the lonely streets all by myself when i am sad and expect to have a genuine smile from a stranger and that will enlighten me and cheer me up more than anything else.

i don't care if at the next bend of the roads i will get snatched by a thief or get mobbed by a gang of lunatics! i don't care! that actually colors my life be it negative to make me feel more lively! i don't need your overprotection that in the end only makes me feel more miserable! do you even understand me at the fundamental level??

i don't need you to plan for me what is coming and all the responsibilities and instructions to lead a "safe" life! i just want a fresh new day every single time i lack inspiration and go hunt for them without having to fear the consequences! afterall i know very clearly the boudaries of guilt and ethics. i am one fucking fella who can never push the button even if there's the slightest guilt bothering me!! aren't you convinced enough to let me make my very own decisions then??????????????????????????

i hate it sometimes. hate everything you gave me despite being very thankful for all of them. if you understand why.

this reminds me of a very different parenting approach practiced by the westerners as opposed to the asians.

sometimes it's not about how you worry and make all your effort to protect your children. in life you have got to notice every single living creature deserves a chance to live its own life which is to be empowered to take risks within its own capacity in order to reap a more satisfying experience for itself. afterall you only live once!

minutes ago i was extremely enthusiastic about a steward job with henessy function coming up tomorrow just for the fun of 1st time experience. minutes later i was so frustrated with my parents' arguments i just felt so lazy to do anything when i have them in my face. kill me dad. you might as well kill me with your own hands. for the sake of your love, i can die being you and regreting i never lived the way i wish i lived.

my sorrows my sincerest apologies