...to be continued...

"it's not about how hard you can hit because no matter how hard you can hit, life will always hit you back harder. so it's not about how hard you can hit but how you can take the immense hits and still move forward."

"you won't have life until you start to believe in yourself and go all out to prove to the world that you have what it takes by taking all those hits."

"never be a coward and put your blames on the people who made you shadow because it's not their selfishness that made you a shadow but your disbelief in yourself and distrust of your own unique offers and abilities that made you a shadow."

rocky balboa. unlike the prequels, it proved to be a life lesson.

"as you age, you notice that there are more and more things you have to leave behind."

a true fighter is one that has heart, not one that is undefeatable and reigning in his own ego.

despite being likeable by everyone in his life, you can tell that he is lonely deep inside. do you know why? does it even matter?

do you know how it feels like to find that someone who cares no more about what you can achieve but that you who does nothing but gives it company?

i guess rocky balboa found that special someone in adrian and could never let her go..

she must had been a very courageous lady to watch her man in the ring risking the pain she suffers losing him.. and yet so supportive despite the fear deep down in order to see him living with compassion and being lively. flying with the invisible wings.

i guess the reason rocky gave up trying to get another partner in his life was unconsciously for his guilt in not giving her enough of himself during his prime moment.. only to end up watching her leave, and worst of all not voluntarily but taken away by cancer..

and despite all, he continued to walk alone his late years in life, and at first i couldn't understand why his son hated him. and yea it needed no elaboration. rocky didn't give up on his son either.. eventhough with all disappointments he took after every effort he made to reunite with his son, he still loves his son so much. so much so that he could just let him go and never complained a word on raising this child. not even a word on how he wished his son just pay him a visit every now and then..

observing how he led his later days walking back to the places he once lived in.. he kept thinking backward.. up till a point his best friend got so frustrated he yelled at him and said he couldn't take it anymore. but what can an old man do other than thinking back over the good and bad memories when all he has left is himself and loads of things that don't matter to him? he wants no money. and he finds no lover in anyone that crosses his life eversince her.. all he wanted was his son and yet he never asked for his commitment. perhaps he wanted nothing. sometimes living just gives you such absence in rationale when you found that one thing as you questioned so seriously of your worth and eventually watching it leave and couldn't even do anything to prevent that lost..

then you started to lose your direction.. as though nothing ever mattered. so what if the world celebrates your existence? does it matter to you? you are still as lonely despite being popular.. had you owed life so much you ought not ask anything in return?

i just wonder why he continued living when his life is so empty.. i sort of felt that his so called "irrationality" going for the boxing license again was the only thing that was actually rational because there's nothing more he could lose. that one last chance in the ring may give him one last breath but also the one last satisfying one that matters. to conclude his life with that one last punch and say no goodbyes. perhaps that could reunite him with her in heaven. perhaps he just wanted to feel her presence in the crowd waiting for him to finish the fight again.. perhaps he just missed her worries so much he doesn't know the physical pain meant nothing at all but love and passion.. sometimes i also don't understand why i exhaust myself to my limit when i know for sure i will get sick and very sick.. but as i connect my feelings with subconscious mind, i know i just missed something.. something i don't wish to but unconsciously i did. to have someone next to me waking me up at every intervals to take medicine and then tug me back into bed. watching me closely as i sleep to make sure i am in good hands. perhaps those were just dreams. yea i lived my life in dreams..

did you take note of the scenes where rocky brought step to the "doghouse"? did you understand why he picked that "liveless" dog? i think i do.. probably i am wrong but i felt how it feels.. i don't want nobody that is popular or super outgoing despite wanting that popular person for the sake of pride. at the end of the day, it means nothing much if that person loses me. i want to feel needed the way i once felt needed like no one else.. and then the feeling was taken away. okay no hard feelings. memories were meant to make us grow stronger and not dwell back into sadness or disappointments or even regrets. we should be happy we had feelings once.

yea i hate losing things that i want or need badly. that was why i never tried to get what i wanted. cause i feel bad insisting it to stay or come to me and yet i wanted so badly.. and it contradicts my thoughts. and it just makes me stop walking and pause so long as if i am not even breathing..

rocky gave the dog, "punchy" life. punchy started running again. even though you can tell that punchy is still that frowning little dog.. and everybody calls it an ugly dog.. why? punchy may be an ugly dog, but punchy also gave rocky back his life by accompanying him for jogs in the snow. who else does that crazy thing with you?? who?? tell me! nobody. that's what matters you see. doing those series of stupid things even you yourself find hard to believe and yet people join you and support you with that simple love. we don't need that "rationale" or reality check every single time in life! come on! reflect upon yourself. we all know what reality is. but does reality ever make us seriously feeling the gist of life?? no. so why embrace it?? reality is a part of routine we everyone has to go through. so it becomes boring and lifeless. but that doesn't mean we lose our lives. we can occasionally fill our lives by doing things and creating memories of our own to remind ourselves of how we painted our own lives. that's what matters. not how much money you earned or how popular you are! not how many assets you have, but how solidly involved are you with the things around you..

had you ever felt so much connected with something you wished to have more of it? had you ever courageously give in your feelings for something you know you are risking your life getting? then if you take a break, think over it. what have you got to lose? at least that was the thing that you never had in life before you met it. why do everyone want so much of life? what has life given you?? had it promised to give you more? and more of what? experiences? what kind of experiences? are those experiences what you want?? what if there's more happening in your mind? what if you are born an imaginist who can create many different happenings and lives in your dreams? and felt so alive mesmerizing about them?? then they contradict with your reality. how miserable could that be..

sometimes i don't understand myself. perhaps we humans are not supposed to rationalize or analyze too much but just go along with what happens. afterall it's the unimaginable that eventually surprises us and gave us more life.

so it is. i'm lost for words. perhaps another day.