good night..

sometimes i'm really scared..

scared of how i couldn't catch up with the rest of the people..

in so many ways i could never compete if i really want to..

but yet i'm not ready for the weird working world that seems to be ever racing for something..

why?

why are we competing with time?

so what if i start late?

so what if i decide to take some time off to seriously prepare myself for something simple, plain, but meaningful to myself?

so what if i am not successful in terms of the monetary rewards i can accumulate in my lifetime?

so what if i am not successful at all in any ways but love and most importantly my own happiness and peace with people around me?

why must i feel so stressed up for things that people say are important?

can i just admit that i indeed wanted a simple and happy life that gives me the freedom of spending some quality time with people i care about everyday from my youth to the day i wave goodbye to the world?

money couldn't buy me youth if ever i choose to fight entirely for money and wealth or things that i couldn't make peace with my inner self..

can it?

i'm scared..

not because i couldn't do anything..

but because i don't want to upset anyone who had high hopes in me..

even myself i couldn't cross..

what are the things that mattered to me mostly?

i want to be loved and liked being around, i want time not to press me in life so i know how to enjoy peace of company and mind, i want to love the works i do everyday like i'm really spending quality time doing quality services everyday and people like it, i want to spend time to make myself better in terms of outlook, emotion and mentality, i want to be able to feel people around me and spare some time to listen and cheer them up, i want to be able to inspire and take time off to do something different any time i wish to..

i wish i can say no if i really don't want something..

i wish i understand why must we do so much of what we have to do before we can do what we want to do in life..

if that is a rule to the game of life or is that just a common notion?

sometimes life just gets so freaking empty..

i guess i just needed to find a soulmate who i love as much as i'm being loved to fill the huge gap of doing what i have to do in life..

for love and passion humans fight to live..

when are my unlimited dreams ever gonna cross path with reality?

good night..