I'm Scared..

I'm scared..

of all things..

rejections..

not death..

but rejections..

loneliness..

the stint of itch that comes from a creepy fear standing alone on my own feet..

me against my shadows..

silence..

the dark memories..

the unknown reasons that kept me waiting for no answers..

the wakes from nightmares just wishing somebody was there lying peacefully beside to be seen..

breathing..

the constant assurances that tell me it's okay..

i'm scared..

because i started to drift back and forth to the past and future of cold call rejections..

because i started to remember pieces of that dark moments in childhood where i was worse scolded when i was afraid..

because i feel redundant and alone..

because i was not ready to take the blame..

because i was a child that was not able to stand on my own..

because i was a child with little courage..

because i was a child who needed more love, more attention and more assurances than others..

because i feel rejected..

and on top of it all, i took the rejections personal..

and that was me, and it still is me, a human with emotions..

a human incapable to detaching emotions and feelings from the self..



experiences did not teach me well..

experiences had not equipped me with solid confidence..

they were just lies..

lies on the outset..

masquerades to protect the soul..

temporarily..

masquerades to pretend that i'm okay..

for experiences taught me that to exhibit fear not only heals not..

but it tears further apart..

it scratches and screams and creates violence..

uncontainable violence..

i learned how to play calm..

i learned how to play cool..

but deep down my soul was suffering..

in silence it tremors and beats in an earth-shaking magnitude that the naked eyes can not see..


the fear had brought me forward..

for the fear of rejections had made me excel in most of the areas i was not good at..

for the fear of rejections had made me appear impressive in many ways..

for the fear of rejections had made me deemed capable, smart, and highly sought aftered..

but do you know that the little boy is still hiding deep inside?

do you know that the little boy is probably now a sleeping giant?

do you know how little moves of the sleeping giant can cause insurmountable impacts of either positive or negative?

do you know how it feels like to pretend that it's okay?

do you know how it feels like to be in denial?

he has the gift of strong subconscious feelings..

he knew it when his soul is in unrest..

he knew it when his soul in not in peace..

but he knew not how to heal the pain..

for it is not his power alone that can solve the pain..

it is the collective resolution from mankind that can give this silent prayers..

he is not alone..

he represents easily 70% of the world population who is still in denial of their feelings of insecurity and fear..

the fear of rejections for he or she is not good enough..

the fear that he or she is physically unattractive..

the fear that he or she is incapable..

the fear that he or she is growing redundant..

the fear that he or she is powerless..

today my soul is feeling weak..

he feels like a balloon out of air..

it needs a retreat..

it needs rejuvenation..

on top of all it needs silence and confession..


this is the era for we humans to reevaluate and reconsider our options in life..

had we been living the ways we are meant to live?

had we been giving, loving, enriching and touching more lives as we move on in life?

Have we really been living and feeling?

When was the last time you knew you felt scared and got the comfort of other people you needed with or without asking?

When was the last time you were less critical to others?

love from my visions my ideals.