Friday, December 30, 2016

Match Making - Bitch Style 😈😈😈

Let's play a game of partner quest.

State an extensive list of things you expect your partner to be and another list of things you are happy to be as a partner.

Ask of it from your potential mate or mates.

Often it is highly impossible to make even half the list realistically consistent if you're expecting and are expected to do it consistently. Like a business or job, you honestly cannot possibly love it or be passionate about it long term without discipline and investment or commitment of any kinds in it. I kind of like the idea put forward by Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and The City 2 where Mr Big requested 2 days off weekly from Carrie Bradshaw. It's a no-brainer that is completely sensible for modern couples with no-strings-attached. Fuck the commitment you expect from each other when all you are willing to offer is unknown and free from enforceable contracts. 

Don't cheat and wait to read other's expectations and commitments before you list yours. As you truthfully and earnestly work through your feelings, experience and deeper thoughts, I'm sure you'll be surprised how little you know each other or even how little you know yourself. Don't be shocked to find out how selfish or pathetic your potential partner could be when he or she really stated down his or her wishlist in stark honesty. This usually only happens after years of staying together. For some stupid social or mating reasons, we simply do not reveal our true desires when we're single and desperate. Making us all the more deceptive.

Let's try these sample answers and see if it shocks you.

I, Laura (put your name here) expects my partner to be: (now list with brutal honesty like nobody's ever gonna have this list in their hands)
1. A partner who loves to take nice pictures of me as this assures me that he still finds me attractive and worthy of his effort, time and resources.
2. He could be a gentleman to others during social events in my presence but always proud to introduce me as his partner in these events. Occasionally I must admit that I secretly love the idea that he behaves like a badass to other bitches but a darling to me and only me. Ah so much of idol series poisoning.
3. He should be occasionally willing to spoil me with my desires not by splurging as I believe I am not an extravagant-bitch but the sincere thought of splurging for me to please me alone makes me wanna own him and fuck him anywhere at that instant! Money and the confidence to own me is something fucking sexy at least to me I don't know why. Perhaps I do feel insecure or afraid not being wanted deep down.
4. I honestly don't think I expect him to do housechores or organize a decent dwelling with me but maybe sometimes I might 'instruct' out of overlooked misbehavior because of a tired long day or taking for granted his constant presence and obedience.
5. Occasional hands-on work to fix the pipes, exhaust, engines or machinery I must admit is always sexy. Those dirt, the sweats, the drying stench of boy-man vanity with no qualms and zero complaints but self-assured satisfaction from a good work done is such a natural scene to adore. Oh I could ride him all afternoon for that matter to please him whole. He's my man, my one-and-only who could work those private gears.
6. How could you not love a man who knows how to take care of himself and make you proud to tell the world of him being your other half? Yes I mean a well taken-cared of look, attire and body, I'm sorry I'm a bitch who silently expect these personal brand qualities one I approve of. Who doesn't hope she or he gets a command of private army if she or he thinks she or he has the market to choose from? Ha a self-delusional bitch indeed.

What about what I, Laura (this is where you put your name) believe I can be as a partner:
1. I can help to maintain our dwelling in order based on my schedule, my priorities and my standards. I really don't mind compromising to your standards provided you know how to sweet-talk me into thinking it's my idea and you occasionally, and by occasionally I actually do mean always allow me the flexibility to fickle or flirt my way to excuse myself sometimes from your almighty standards. Love is the key to such impossible endearments I seem to expect of you. Oh I forgot this is my part of commitment, HE-HE. Not funny but you're expected to find this adorable.
2. I will work my way up professionally to mutually support each other financially and socially but I do expect your relentless support to be on my side when you realize I made abrupt decisions that only your love could accommodate. 
3. I can role play to your liking when I'm in the mood to please you when you make me feel like you're the man I adore and would enslave for a night. That probably means I expect you to be able to role play too.
4. I can submit my desires under your command if you could drive me to madly adore you. Don't be a bulldog and expect me to worship your balls when I'm turned off, lethargic or could hardly be impressed.
5. I will not have anyone more important than you. But work and profession might come before you occasionally since you do not finance my lifestyle and survival privileges. That said, I do sometimes fantasize you dropping your doggy-bone, your hardcore games, porn or even work, FOR ME, especially fantasizing that you excused yourself halfway through an important meeting to wank for me, with personal satisfaction, not forced. Yeah that's fantasy and the entertainment/ adult business is making fuckshit loads of money from this I could only watch with awe and dream salivating without you ever finding out.
6. I could stay sanely strong to support you physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually to support your temporary sway of decisions in life even if big decisions it involves provided I am financially, socially and morally able and I'm convinced that you will get back on track. I don't believe in committing to a my-fantasy-turned-moron I'm sorry. I believe I have to and will continually work very hard to stay in demand and that means I do have better options if you so decide to convince me so.

Now, turn the table and read your expectations from the other side. Think again and reinvent yourself to be more moderate and promising. Don't be the bitch that everyone despises. Be the angel everyone adores but only Cupid gets to keep and own.

Hope this post is enlightening to you. Goodnight. 

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