Fight Inferiority Complex

 
Before you know it, you started digging the hole again. Not knowing that you are preparing for your own burial. Thinking back, you have not found your identity. Like a human chameleon living to blend in and gain approval. There's no end to it if you realize. It is a sign of inferiority complex. Remember, there's a very fine line between feeling sorry for a personal wrong doing and feeling sorry for simply being yourself. Sometimes one's personal values built from years of upbringing under complex observations, learning and assimilation creates new sets of values completely different from that of most others. It creates some sort of actions and reactions based on instincts. Good or bad, right or wrong, it's probably not easy to judge. The public would probably choose general concensus as the basis. Question, since when was Albert Einstein perceived a genius? If only he waited so long to gain that approval to start embarking on his beliefs and values, he probably wouldn't have been the famous Albert Einstein we now know. What if it is a matter of personal objection? What I did was deem shallow, selfish and pathetic simply because you expected otherwise the way I uphold my actions and behaviors. Foolish of me to feel sorry. As I held close to my heart that what I did hurts never intentionally to anyone I cared, not even to the ones I do not. Perhaps it hurts myself so deeply knowing it sickens you to know that I breathed the way you least expected. That I felt so sorry for being comfortable and happy being myself just because it sickens you to see me so not the way you envisioned. Not within your control. Not within the premise of your almighty mind, head, belief, emotional capacity. Today I realized my emotions started going on a rough ride again. One so uncertain where the tide is carrying it to. To the point of breaking. I stared blank at random points feeling a gush of air in the head, witnessing the sober face of the boy once charming and certain of where his future lies.. I didn't realize depression is slowly reaching its shadows over my head. Until a friend told me I could probably look at the positive side. I actually stood blank trying to feel the meaning of positive when so enveloped by the negative emotions of sober and void. You wouldn't believe how strong and convicted negative emotions can create a great wall between an infected human with the rest of the world until you personally witnessed that. A sudden message fell upon me. Depression. Negative emotions can spiral out of control if you do not interject it fast. Then comes the teaching from my psychologist kicking into the logical mind. 1. Breathe in and out slowly and deeply. 2. Recognize that you are now feeling sad and negative. 3. Pause for a second and start thinking from the positive side. There's nothing wrong with occasionally cheating yourself how beautiful life is. As a matter of fact, it is what you think that you actually attract and manifest into reality. I'm not sure what I'm writing here now. I just wanted to say to any of you out there who happens to stumble upon this blog feeling insecure of your identity or social stature. Life probably isn't as gloomy or sad as you think it is. It is the frame of your current sober mind that builds this void and resistance against all illuminations. Take a break, pamper yourself with some candies, acts of love, kindness or allow yourself a room for expression and there it goes, bad times will fall just right through the sandglass before you even knew it.


Love, My random feelings and visions