!@#$%^&*()_+

at last i know what does "Excruciating pain" feel like.. unlike the pain of losing the one and only you loved. it's a feeling of wanting to punch, kick, whack, and all the f-words! damn i could literally kill anything in my way now!

shit me! just because of the braces around my top row of teeth! why on earth could it irritate me so much?? well my teeth are full grown, and with all the wisdom tooths all right in. but then again i never was told it could be so annoying!

i love foods!! and i want to gain pounds over pounds! and now watching my favorite food agonizes me. damn it! why? i tried to convince myself that pain is in the mind. so i smiled while i ate. the more i tried to convince myself that it ain't painful, the more i got irritated. damn it!

i didn't understand why can't dad just bare with it and agree with me that yes it is indeed painful at least for a start and try to understand that i seriously can't bite now. why the hell must he make me feel so useless not being able to fight my "tiny tooth pain"??? shit! just give me a break okay?? i should have consulted someone who know how it might disturb me at first.. so expectations don't get so far apart.

i guess the pain isn't physical afterall.. not just from the nerves that pull my full-grown teeth.. but the fact that i'm on my own through this shitty period. maybe she's right.. girls having to go through periods every now and then had tougher times.. ah forget it. i'm just a big old yucky baby trying to cry foul over little pain and trouble in life. damn me!

sometimes i just wonder.. is this really as painful as i think of it? not really. the pain really isn't merely from the physical one.. it's the pain of having to look myself in the mirror and say, it's gonna be better after this. and having to forgo dates with some people i want to meet up cause i have yet get used to smiling with this metallic structures on my teeth! darn it! is it worth?? just for 1 tooth and the tooth that was all the while under its constant pressure?? hopefully it is..

and despite wanting so badly to put on some weight. now i am facing an all new reluctance to that commitment. my teeth is putting a bar in between me and my foods. ah damn! i'm watching myself running short of my "less-than-minimum" scale now! shit!

it will get better. it will get better. it will get better.

last grudging breath. time to move on. where's my punching bag? zzz..
= ="