Neither Here Nor There..

dizziness catching up with me..

brain's hardly capable of any ambitious thoughts..

for the time it had attempted drowning in denials and expectations perhaps..

i can hardly remember when was the last time my heart was pumping with real feelings of energy and enthusiasm..

too easily caught up with "valid" perceptions and desires of the righteous beings..

haha..

i don't even know what i want seriously..

as if passion can just disappear in shallow waters..

light dreams can just filter the real experiences..

i just want to live and feel all the excitements of desiring something for real and for any stupid reasons..

and being able to say it out loud that i aspire and desire..

but i fail to conquer even my own soullessness sometimes..

can't even capture words in proper order..

for many instances imaginations of the bubbles of smokes were flashing in my meaningless visions..

as if cigarette can really cure..

the moments of slow but loud exhale of breaths..

eyes closed..

a relief indeed..

what's waiting down the roads that you look forward to?

perhaps there really isn't much solid hopes in life..

perhaps just a process of trying to feel as much as you can while you are still breathing and living under the flesh of humans..

does it really matter if i live a successful life?

i wonder if i can just decide to study the arts of living, get occupied researching into people's conscious and subconscious thoughts in the process of living..

i'm seriously lazy to commit myself to anything less than the purpose of living..

i just wana feel..

fuuuoooO~

what is that creature thinking at that split second with that instantaneous action?

hmm..

a cigarette perhaps in my mind to keep my thoughts off for the record..

i shall not occupy myself with the cyber games again..

how long can i keep away from that boring stuffs? guess again..