I was in a plane touching down on a return flight fron Bangkok last night, and I was thinking..
What happens if this is it? A crash. Any regrets?
Calm thought. Blank stare into the lights beneath me. I don't feel a thing.
What's more scary about this whole thing was that, I wasn't depressed at all but too calm judging from the ways I knew myself.
The fact is, I couldn't think of anything I look forward to. This last trip was a pleasant one and don't get me wrong I was happy and chirpy but full stop.
I guess I came to realize the very sad fact that I'm just a consumer and I too just wanted an easy life with abundance. There's really nothing worth fighting for and no enemies of power worth going against.
It's just a cycle everybody goes through and it's good if you already experienced what made you happy, made you excited, occasionally fired up for a goal or two..
Really? Is that all to life? Working to keep yourself afloat so you can consume all the flattery and desires others tempt you with?
Haha.. I'm tired.. Tired not because of another long day to work.. But another long day to pass. It is rather shocking to note my complete 180 degree change of attitude when that one little thing you call belief or vision or mission goes bust. It's like finding your spouse cheating on you after a whole life serving with great enthusiasm.
Really, am I just working for money? Should I? Will I?
Happy 28 birthday babe.. Perhaps it's just another one of those emo days I needed more retreats from people.. People who seem to be so clear of what they want in life. Full stop.
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