Who Are You and What Do You Want?

If I were to think back..

There were moments in my life that I was really happy..

I was needed so much and it was personal..

It is about doing something, being the most crucial support to the people i care about..

Or for the people I love..

It really is not about the job..

It is about finding that special friend or people that I want to build my purpose around..

The person should not be a child because I am not a pedophile..

And I do not plan to be one either..

But I want something that matters to build my life around..

Or at least some exposures to get around the possibilities and the potential people I feel attached to..

If there is a career that can pave me roads to a better opportunity to meeting people that I'm attracted to..

Still it makes little sense..

I'm fucking 25 now..

It's now or never..

Soon before you notice, age might catch up and I may no longer have the gift to love like mad young lovers..

And I don't even have the fucking courage to love despite all odds..

Fuck I hate this feeling.

For once fucking sake, they are everywhere but you just can't fucking find a reason to come around..

What more to ask to hang around?

When are the people gonna fucking pretend there's no issue about it..

Come on pal, let's just take a ride to brokeback mountain..

And see it for yourself what feeling attached to is..

You wish you know why.. You wish you know for sure.. You wish you can..

What can I do to make myself better and better wanted in return?

I can't even face myself in the mirror sometimes why do I feel so wronged to have feelings for the unknown..